I had 3 really good days, all in a row! I can't tell you how excited about that I am. But, as the saying goes (slightly paraphrased), no good time goes unpunished.
I had plans with my friend, EM, a wonderful friend from my college days. I haven't seen EM in about 25 years, but it was like there was no time in between. We went to see Spamalot, which was great! and had a rollicking time just laughing, singing along, and then, going out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant around the corner from my house. EM is living in Massachusetts now, so she spent the night at my house.
When we got home, Shannon was home, and I was very glad to see her. She turned 20 over the weekend, and she was home so we could take her to lunch, and give her her presents. As a joke, I gave her a Snuggie, college edition. She tore off the wrapping paper, took one look at the box, and said, "you WOULD get me a Snuggie!!!", and we laughed. She's already washed it, and taken it back to school with her! LOL In case you don't know, a Snuggie is really just a blanket with sleeves - the commercials for it are hilarious, and there a couple of spoofs about it (the best is at college humor dot com). I also gave her a few giraffe items for her collection.
On Saturday, we all went to the Cheesecake Factory, including EM. The kids really like her, and she ended up giving them new insight to me. Of course, they are still working on seeing me as a person, not just Mom, so they love it when friends (especially friends who knew me in college) come to visit.
Anyway, we ordered about 5 different appetizers to share - all were very good, if a bit predictable. I had garlic noodles, which (truth be told) needed more garlic, and Shannon had the crispy chicken. Everyone else had some kind of burger. We were stuffed from the lunch and appetizers, so we all ordered cheesecake to go. Afterwards, we said goodbye to EM and Shannon - both having other plans for the afternoon/evening.
We got home, and started relaxing. I felt really good from Thursday till Sunday. Yes, I was still in a good amount of pain - I always am - but, seeing friends, and laughing, really helped me feel better.
Today, though. Today was quite another story. I woke up in a good mood, determined to Get Things Done. Showered - and that's when I got the first inkling things were not going to go well. I ignored it, though, and worked through my routine. Drying my hair was enough to bring tears to my eyes, so I sat down for a while to let things calm down.
Schyler was already at work, and Jason & Jenn went out for bagels, so I had a few minutes to try to gather myself together. I knew, when Jason & Jenn got back with breakfast, that I was in trouble. No appetite. That's usually a bad sign. I forced myself to eat, though, thinking I would feel better. They eventually took off for apple picking, and I decided to go to a local farm for some produce.
The drive was agony. I got there, got my fruits and veggies, and drove to the store where Schyler works to pick up a few last items. By the time I got home, I could hardly walk. This is the weirdest part, for me. There is nothing wrong with my lower back, hips, or legs, but the act of walking jars my upper body so much, that I walk very slowly and carefully, trying not to joggle anything. I left almost everything in the car, and got inside, where I completely broke down.
It's so not fair! I'd been having such great days - I know endorphins helped a lot, but it seemed like my body said, ok, enough, and slammed me with pain. The rest of today has been pretty bad. I've tried to eat a few times, with little success. I finally took a pain pill (I know, too little, too late), and feel slightly better.
I will be seeing my doctor on Tuesday, and we will be discussing pain meds, and other treatments. There's no word on approval for my surgery, or the money I need to cover expenses while I'm laid up, or, God Forbid, I can't get back to work in 8 weeks. If I'm out longer than 8 weeks, my pay goes to 70% - really can't afford that. I'm going to talk to my doctor about changing my pain meds - I need something stronger, 'cause the vicodin just isn't cutting it. Don't know what my options are, though.
Well, I've got to try to get some sleep now. I was lucky to get 5 hours in a row both Thursday night and Friday night. I usually wake up every hour or so, needing to find another position that will be temporarily comfortable, or to try to "wake up" my arm or hand. I have to work tomorrow, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
UGH
I've had better days. In fact, the past few days haven't been the best. Not only am I in a great deal of pain, I'm very depressed (not new), and my belly hurts. I get hungry, but I eat about 2-3 bites, and I'm not hungry anymore. I seriously think all this stress is really causing my body to break down even further.
Work has been making me crazy. I'm so bored, and feel so trapped. It's the same thing, over and over again, and nothing ever changes. I feel like Sisyphus - every day, I push the rock up the hill. Every night, it rolls back down, and I have to do the same pointless exercise again the next day. The same stupid and pointless questions every day, from people who make no attempt to retain the information. They believe I have nothing better to do, that I DO NOTHING but sit by the phone or email, breathlessly awaiting the opportunity to do something for them. Too many people I come into contact with every day refuse to think, or learn, about anything outside their precious little area.
Yet, because of this impending surgery, I feel like I can't post for a new job, or even search for something outside the company. I'm angry, depressed, and frustrated. I have no reasonable outlet for all these feelings, either.
Most days, I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing. Just sleep. And cry. Moving is torture. It's an effort to be pleasant. I don't even want to talk to my FWB anymore - and that just plain scares me.
There's a hearing scheduled on the 29th. I'm fairly certain there will be some movement towards the surgery. It seems to have been approved, but the comp adjustor has yet to tell my attorney, or send the letter of approval. Apparently, my company's attorney knows it, and the adjustor knows it, they just haven't bothered to send anything in writing. It feels like it does no good for my to have my own attorney - I don't hear from him, and I see no real efforts here. Just a lot of empty words and promises. Thank God this is contigency payment only. Of course, I have the option to shop around for another attorney, which I have seriously considered. I need to find someone who will be a shark, and have less apparent concern for the old boys club and maintaining his friendships.
It's wrong to do this to a person, and all these people should be held accountable. I wonder if sending a letter to the new CEO of my company would do any good. I wonder if he'd see this as an example of incredibly poor customer service, and a really shitty way to treat a good employee. I'm going to give this more thought, and possibly start composing a letter. Why not? It might be cathartic.
Work has been making me crazy. I'm so bored, and feel so trapped. It's the same thing, over and over again, and nothing ever changes. I feel like Sisyphus - every day, I push the rock up the hill. Every night, it rolls back down, and I have to do the same pointless exercise again the next day. The same stupid and pointless questions every day, from people who make no attempt to retain the information. They believe I have nothing better to do, that I DO NOTHING but sit by the phone or email, breathlessly awaiting the opportunity to do something for them. Too many people I come into contact with every day refuse to think, or learn, about anything outside their precious little area.
Yet, because of this impending surgery, I feel like I can't post for a new job, or even search for something outside the company. I'm angry, depressed, and frustrated. I have no reasonable outlet for all these feelings, either.
Most days, I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing. Just sleep. And cry. Moving is torture. It's an effort to be pleasant. I don't even want to talk to my FWB anymore - and that just plain scares me.
There's a hearing scheduled on the 29th. I'm fairly certain there will be some movement towards the surgery. It seems to have been approved, but the comp adjustor has yet to tell my attorney, or send the letter of approval. Apparently, my company's attorney knows it, and the adjustor knows it, they just haven't bothered to send anything in writing. It feels like it does no good for my to have my own attorney - I don't hear from him, and I see no real efforts here. Just a lot of empty words and promises. Thank God this is contigency payment only. Of course, I have the option to shop around for another attorney, which I have seriously considered. I need to find someone who will be a shark, and have less apparent concern for the old boys club and maintaining his friendships.
It's wrong to do this to a person, and all these people should be held accountable. I wonder if sending a letter to the new CEO of my company would do any good. I wonder if he'd see this as an example of incredibly poor customer service, and a really shitty way to treat a good employee. I'm going to give this more thought, and possibly start composing a letter. Why not? It might be cathartic.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Catching Up...
Quite a lot has happened over the past few weeks....
I left off at the Ren Faire - I really should have finished that story, but don't, and didn't, have the energy. Weirdly, though, I have the energy for this.
So, most of August was spent getting people ready for returning, or starting, college. SJ, who had failed his first drivers test, passed his 2nd test on the 18th. We are happy!! My ex had bought him a car (a whole 'nuther post!), and so he's had his own transportation.
The same day, we went to his college to check his financial aid and sign him up for classes. The great news is that he's totally covered for financial aid - he needs no loans!! woot! And, he'll get some money back. So, he's purchased all his books, and is now waiting for reimbursement. He's got his classes scheduled for Tuesdays and Thursdays, leaving the other days free for working and doing homework and projects. I'm pretty happy with this schedule. Also happy that he's going to the North Haven campus, and not the New Haven campus of this school.
S, who has worked her butt off all summer, finished the last bit of her pre-return to school shopping, and we moved her into her dorm on the 28th. This was so NOT drama free!
First, there was the roommate issue, which has actually been an issue since the housing lottery started earlier this year. She's in a trio, with her best friend from high school, and another girl she went to high school with. That girl (let's call her BFJ - btw, BF does NOT stand for Best Friend) suddenly decided she didn't want to room with S. After the room was chosen. After the time to sort stuff out was past. This was worked out, at least until right before school started, when BFJ decided, no, she didn't want to buy the rug as agreed. Too much trouble, and she didn't want to have to bother with cleaning it. S and the other roommate have worked that out.
Next was the crying. S really isn't a crier, but that girl has cried all summer. She's had a lot of boyfriend drama all summer (and, I am thrilled to report, as of this writing, he is her EX!), resulting in many tears. This, however, was different. I think the stress of moving in, and the issues with her roommates, got to her right before I left. She began crying outside the restaurant where we had lunch - she told me it was because I was leaving. Awww. Many quick hugs, kisses on the hair, and I left. Like daycare, or the first day of school, I believe it's best for the parents to GO - the kids will be fine. Plus, she has her car - if she's really that miserable, she can get home for a visit.
Day after move in - boyfriend is back from vacation, and moving in. But does not want to see S. Boyfriend is a stupid git I stopped liking in May. There was an argument - I do not know details, but S tells me she marched herself over to his dorm, and broke up with him in person. I'm so proud of her!!! No texting break up for her, oh no!
Next day - parking ticket. Not a good 36 or so hours for S.
J is back at school. Additional good news - he's working at his internship job 12 hours a week. The intership was supposed to end 8/20, but they loved him so much (awwww) that they worked to keep him on. I'm so proud of him. So, 12 hours at the intership (paid, by the way), 12 hours at work study job, 18 hours of credits (which includes his independent study). Busy guy.
I celebrated my first anniversary of working from home on Aug 1 - I can't believe it's been an entire year since I worked in the office. And, I have to say, I'm still happy. Yes, there are many days when I wish I had someone to chat with, but the pros so outweight the cons here, that I just can't be sad.
I want to write about friendships, too, but that's another post altogether -- and I did say I'd try to separate my thoughts. A wise friend (looking at YOU, LA!) warned me about brain dumping, but I'm going to indulge anyway. :)
I left off at the Ren Faire - I really should have finished that story, but don't, and didn't, have the energy. Weirdly, though, I have the energy for this.
So, most of August was spent getting people ready for returning, or starting, college. SJ, who had failed his first drivers test, passed his 2nd test on the 18th. We are happy!! My ex had bought him a car (a whole 'nuther post!), and so he's had his own transportation.
The same day, we went to his college to check his financial aid and sign him up for classes. The great news is that he's totally covered for financial aid - he needs no loans!! woot! And, he'll get some money back. So, he's purchased all his books, and is now waiting for reimbursement. He's got his classes scheduled for Tuesdays and Thursdays, leaving the other days free for working and doing homework and projects. I'm pretty happy with this schedule. Also happy that he's going to the North Haven campus, and not the New Haven campus of this school.
S, who has worked her butt off all summer, finished the last bit of her pre-return to school shopping, and we moved her into her dorm on the 28th. This was so NOT drama free!
First, there was the roommate issue, which has actually been an issue since the housing lottery started earlier this year. She's in a trio, with her best friend from high school, and another girl she went to high school with. That girl (let's call her BFJ - btw, BF does NOT stand for Best Friend) suddenly decided she didn't want to room with S. After the room was chosen. After the time to sort stuff out was past. This was worked out, at least until right before school started, when BFJ decided, no, she didn't want to buy the rug as agreed. Too much trouble, and she didn't want to have to bother with cleaning it. S and the other roommate have worked that out.
Next was the crying. S really isn't a crier, but that girl has cried all summer. She's had a lot of boyfriend drama all summer (and, I am thrilled to report, as of this writing, he is her EX!), resulting in many tears. This, however, was different. I think the stress of moving in, and the issues with her roommates, got to her right before I left. She began crying outside the restaurant where we had lunch - she told me it was because I was leaving. Awww. Many quick hugs, kisses on the hair, and I left. Like daycare, or the first day of school, I believe it's best for the parents to GO - the kids will be fine. Plus, she has her car - if she's really that miserable, she can get home for a visit.
Day after move in - boyfriend is back from vacation, and moving in. But does not want to see S. Boyfriend is a stupid git I stopped liking in May. There was an argument - I do not know details, but S tells me she marched herself over to his dorm, and broke up with him in person. I'm so proud of her!!! No texting break up for her, oh no!
Next day - parking ticket. Not a good 36 or so hours for S.
J is back at school. Additional good news - he's working at his internship job 12 hours a week. The intership was supposed to end 8/20, but they loved him so much (awwww) that they worked to keep him on. I'm so proud of him. So, 12 hours at the intership (paid, by the way), 12 hours at work study job, 18 hours of credits (which includes his independent study). Busy guy.
I celebrated my first anniversary of working from home on Aug 1 - I can't believe it's been an entire year since I worked in the office. And, I have to say, I'm still happy. Yes, there are many days when I wish I had someone to chat with, but the pros so outweight the cons here, that I just can't be sad.
I want to write about friendships, too, but that's another post altogether -- and I did say I'd try to separate my thoughts. A wise friend (looking at YOU, LA!) warned me about brain dumping, but I'm going to indulge anyway. :)
more comp news.... or not
So, I kind of expected this. I'd get all excited about a blog, and then not write it. I'm not that concerned. I've been more than just a bit too wrapped up in my misery lately, and even I don't want to read about it.
So, no news. No surgical date. Got an email from my attorney today (and, let me tell you, after more than 2 weeks of silence, I'd better get the damn flowers), who says he has spoken with the attorney from the other side, who swears up and down that the surgery has been approved, and he is just Shocked! (yes, Shocked!) that the adjustor hasn't notified us yet.
I'm not. The money isn't worked out yet, either. Seriously? Do these people really think I could run my household on $250 a week?? Are they out of their fucking minds? This is just so unlike any other comp issue that I'm tired of discussing it with people. Either they, or someone they know, has had a comp injury, had surgery, and got paid XX dollars while they were out. They're so positive they know the answer. They don't. Trust me. They don't.
I'm not going to have a choice but to up my Vicodin intake. I'm again not sleeping well, not eating properly (I could stand to lose more than just a few pounds, but this isn't the way to do it), and cry all the time. I can't get ahead of the pain, and that's what I need to do. The only way to do that at this point is to increase the dosage. Of course, that will just make me more depressed.
I talked to my FWB about psychiatrists the other day. He thinks I should mention to my attorney that my depression has worsened, and that I need help - which is all very true. I think FWB (I have GOT to think of a better name) is more than a little concerned for my mental health at this point. My biggest reservation about this course of action is that whatever I say to a shrink will be relayed to my adjustor and my company. This, to me, is not good. They've fucked with me enough - I have no desire to give them what they might consider more ammo. Not to mention, if you're not going to be serious, and work on things, therapy is pointless. How could I seriously work on a more positive outlook if I can't share my thoughts and feelings honestly?
Anyway, I did write my attorney a rather lengthy email today, detailing what I want done. If a doctor refused to treat me, and I got worse, I could sue for malpractice. Why can't I sue my company, the adjustor, and the attorneys representing my company for the same thing? The workers comp laws are a joke - they're nothing more than a vehicle for 3rd rate attorneys to make money. Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly certain my attorney is not 3rd rate, but it certainly seems as though most attorneys in this field aren't very bright.
I'm seriously not happy about all this.
So, no news. No surgical date. Got an email from my attorney today (and, let me tell you, after more than 2 weeks of silence, I'd better get the damn flowers), who says he has spoken with the attorney from the other side, who swears up and down that the surgery has been approved, and he is just Shocked! (yes, Shocked!) that the adjustor hasn't notified us yet.
I'm not. The money isn't worked out yet, either. Seriously? Do these people really think I could run my household on $250 a week?? Are they out of their fucking minds? This is just so unlike any other comp issue that I'm tired of discussing it with people. Either they, or someone they know, has had a comp injury, had surgery, and got paid XX dollars while they were out. They're so positive they know the answer. They don't. Trust me. They don't.
I'm not going to have a choice but to up my Vicodin intake. I'm again not sleeping well, not eating properly (I could stand to lose more than just a few pounds, but this isn't the way to do it), and cry all the time. I can't get ahead of the pain, and that's what I need to do. The only way to do that at this point is to increase the dosage. Of course, that will just make me more depressed.
I talked to my FWB about psychiatrists the other day. He thinks I should mention to my attorney that my depression has worsened, and that I need help - which is all very true. I think FWB (I have GOT to think of a better name) is more than a little concerned for my mental health at this point. My biggest reservation about this course of action is that whatever I say to a shrink will be relayed to my adjustor and my company. This, to me, is not good. They've fucked with me enough - I have no desire to give them what they might consider more ammo. Not to mention, if you're not going to be serious, and work on things, therapy is pointless. How could I seriously work on a more positive outlook if I can't share my thoughts and feelings honestly?
Anyway, I did write my attorney a rather lengthy email today, detailing what I want done. If a doctor refused to treat me, and I got worse, I could sue for malpractice. Why can't I sue my company, the adjustor, and the attorneys representing my company for the same thing? The workers comp laws are a joke - they're nothing more than a vehicle for 3rd rate attorneys to make money. Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly certain my attorney is not 3rd rate, but it certainly seems as though most attorneys in this field aren't very bright.
I'm seriously not happy about all this.
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