So, after you have a fight with a friend, how do you find your way back? Sometimes, do you even want to?
I've had 2, well, arguments, would be a better word. Fight just sounds so knock down drag 'em out, and neither were these.
One, I'm sure will heal with time. I said something in a response to something she posted in a cooking blog, and assumed, quite incorrectly as it turned out, that she would see it as a response to the recipe itself, not her version of it. I won't get into all the details about how much I hurt her, and how she was concerned others would not want to try to the recipe due to language I had used (basically, I used vernacular used in my house to describe cream of whatever soup made campbell {aka cream of crap}, and said I felt a little vomit in the back of my throat at the mere mention of the food (tuna noodle casserole). Damn, now I've done it to myself. That's the nice thing about having your own blog - somebody reads it, gets offended, fuck off.
what do I care. We'll get to that later.
I also, naively, thought she might even find it amusing. Well, you can see where this is going. Not only did she not see the humor, she was deeply offended and hurt, and told me so, in a very long facebook email. Now, I think she was right to do this. She also brought up something to me that I had never mentioned to her - that she posted a recipe she had watched me make, and we discussed. We've made it together several times. Now, I would have had absolutely no problem with her posting it, had she asked first. But, she didn't. She felt that mentioning she had learned it from a friend was enough. Maybe it should have been.
So, I responded to that particular entry that she really should get permission to post recipes, just in case. The "just in case" is because while I was upset and hurt, I tried to have an "eh, forget it about it" attitude, which was not easy. But, also, because it just makes plain common sense. If you made up a recipe, all well and good, you post and say, hey look what I threw together and came out really well. If you got it from someone else, you should post it as such, and mentioned you had their permission to use it on your blog.
When she later posted that she was going full blown with a cooking blog, I reminded her of this. I didn't think I had to turn cartwheels and cheerlead for her to understand that I know cooking is important to her, and she's very creative. I shouldn't have to write what I say all the time.
So, when she wrote to me, she brought up both those things, and to her credit, she did apologize for the salsa incident.
My issue now is .... I don't know what I want to do. I wrote back and told her she was absolutely correct to tell me how she was feeling, and stated I would remove the post. I couldn't, so I asked her to, and she did so. This is perfectly fine with me. She's not the first person to ask me to remove a post, and I suspect she won't be the last. I also apologized for hurting her feelings, and told her that was not my intent.
So, basically, I've been keeping my distance. I don't know what to do about it, but I feel like I've gone about as far as I can. I am having so many issues with this recovery, I'm feeling incredibly stressed, and I have a bunch of legal issues going on. I'm also just very depressed - I need to talk to someone about it, or change my meds, or do something, but I'm worried about talking to the doctor about it, for fear it will get into my worker comp file, and screw me up somehow.
But, really, while I get relief from the pain, all I do is cry. I feel like I'm in a pit of despair, and I can't see over the edge (and for this analogy I must thank a fellow poster from The Perfect World, who does not mind if I use it again). I feel as if I have very little self-worth, and there is little reason to get up in the morning. Afternoon or evening for that matter.
Which brings me to argument/discussion #2.... which will be in another post.
