UGH

I've had better days.  In fact, the past few days haven't been the best.  Not only am I in a great deal of pain, I'm very depressed (not new), and my belly hurts.  I get hungry, but I eat about 2-3 bites, and I'm not hungry anymore.  I seriously think all this stress is really causing my body to break down even further.

Work has been making me crazy.  I'm so bored, and feel so trapped.  It's the same thing, over and over again, and nothing ever changes.  I feel like Sisyphus - every day, I push the rock up the hill.  Every night, it rolls back down, and I have to do the same pointless exercise again the next day.  The same stupid and pointless questions every day, from people who make no attempt to retain the information.  They believe I have nothing better to do, that I DO NOTHING but sit by the phone or email, breathlessly awaiting the opportunity to do something for them.  Too many people I come into contact with every day refuse to think, or learn, about anything outside their precious little area.

Yet, because of this impending surgery, I feel like I can't post for a new job, or even search for something outside the company.   I'm angry, depressed, and frustrated.  I have no reasonable outlet for all these feelings, either. 

Most days, I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing.  Just sleep.  And cry.  Moving is torture.  It's an effort to be pleasant.  I don't even want to talk to my FWB anymore - and that just plain scares me. 

There's a hearing scheduled on the 29th.  I'm fairly certain there will be some movement towards the surgery.  It seems to have been approved, but the comp adjustor has yet to tell my attorney, or send the letter of approval.  Apparently, my company's attorney knows it, and the adjustor knows it, they just haven't bothered to send anything in writing.  It feels like it does no good for my to have my own attorney - I don't hear from him, and I see no real efforts here.  Just a lot of empty words and promises.  Thank God this is contigency payment only.  Of course, I have the option to shop around for another attorney, which I have seriously considered.  I need to find someone who will be a shark, and have less apparent concern for the old boys club and maintaining his friendships.

It's wrong to do this to a person, and all these people should be held accountable.  I wonder if sending a letter to the new CEO of my company would do any good.  I wonder if he'd see this as an example of incredibly poor customer service, and a really shitty way to treat a good employee.  I'm going to give this more thought, and possibly start composing a letter.  Why not?  It might be cathartic.