not today

No Ren post today -- I'm too tired, in too much pain, and far too upset to write about it.

My left arm, not to be outdone by the right arm, has chosen today to hurt.  And, I mean HURT.  Elbow down to hand, the pain is so awful.

So, in other news -- spoke to my attorney today.  Looks like the financial landslide is going to come pouring down on me.  To court tomorrow to discuss payments with a creditor.  What was the point in going to debt settlement, if the creditors won't work with the settlement people.  I'm really scared where this is going to lead.

No word yet on the $$ owed by workers comp.  I've demanded, yes, demanded, that my attorney ask for proof that the voluntary agreement has been signed by the lazy, shiftless, no-good, comp adjustor, and submitted to the state.  Where the hell is my money???

He thinks the surgery will happen this year, but there is still some ridiculous argument over the rate of pay.  Seems the lazy, shiftless, worthless piece of crap that is the adjustor wants to pay an hourly rate from 1994.  Ok, but.... the herniated disk wasn't found until 2005 - so how you can go back to 1994?  Brian says it's laziness, but if we have to go to a formal hearing, it won't happen until October, and the court has 120 days to render an decision.  Can you say, "hey Peanut, you're totally fucked"?  I sure can.

The pain is so awful, and I can't even get through one fucking day without Vicodin and an anti-inflammatory.  Will have to ask attorneys about which doctor I'm supposed to go to to change up medications.  There just has to be something out there that can provide me with more relief, and give me back some kind of life until this stupid surgery.

All I do is cry.  Seriously wish I could just end it all.  One of the very few times I regret having children.  Without them, I'd be free to put myself out of misery and pain, and not worry about leaving someone behind.

Only one good note - will see FWB this week.  I'm glad, but mustering up enthusiasm right now is so hard.