So, this Saturday, I;m going to the Renaissance Faire. I go every year, with Shannon, and friends Jill & Gwenn. It's a big deal - we make sure we get our coupons printed from the site (hey $3 off is a big deal!), we plan what to wear, confirm pick up time (Jill drives every year, and every year she asks, "do you know how to get there? We've been going for at least 5 or 6 years to the same Faire..... I think I know how to get there by now! I love her!)
This year will be a bit different. Oh, the planning is the same, and the excitement is building. We already know a few things we'll do -- the picture at the beginning of the day, to be picked up just before the joust at the end of the day; then, off to get food. I always get sausage on a stick. A big ole sausage, shoved on a stick and cooked over flame. So juicy and tender, full of sausage-y goodness. Ok, yes, it is shaped like a particular part of man's anatomy, and I do enjoy sliding it into my mouth.... and, laughing my ass off when guys passing by either stare or trip! Yes, slut girl here.
Then, most years, it's off to get the henna tattoo. One must do this at the beginning of the day, before one gets too sweaty (yeah, got a bit formal with the prose there). Mine is almost always a dragon, drawn right on one of the "girls", who as usually stuffed, lifted, and pushed together in a corset of some kind.
Alas, this year, that is not meant to be this year. A bit of a diversion here - my neck/shoulder/arm won't tolerate my costume this year, so I'm going to look like a tourist -- shorts and a tank top, with sneakers. So, I'm not sure about the tattoo. Or placement.
Anyway, after the visit to the tattoo lady, we begin to wander. We consult the "program" to map out the day. Dextre Tripp is a must - the man is just plain hilarious, and how can you not love a man who has such a cute little ass, and wears the tightest tights that were ever tight? AND juggles chainsaws? While telling really bad jokes?
Some years, there are really great plays. One year, we saw Medea, and laughed our asses off. Men playing all the parts, except for one lone woman playing a young man. I don't remember Medea being a comedy, but it was that day. I forget what the play was last year, but again, laughed my ass off. These people work so hard to make Faire days great days - and they really pull it off.
Then, wandering around more, looking at all the wares. Stop for more food - usually a cheese & fruit platter. I dunno, I'm kinda thinking fried onion this year. We'll see. More plays, stopping at the various clothing stores to oooh and ahhhh and sigh. Oh, to have money to waste on these clothes!!! But... even in the midst of Faire frenzy, I realize $300 for a new corset is Not in the Budget. Sigh
However.... a new piece of jewelry is a must. I can wear any old thing, so can get away with $15 or $20 earrings. I may look for a necklace or bracelet this year. Then, off to the head shop... I mean, pipe shop. Just to look, mind you, although I have purchased an item or two for FWB in the past - yes, he smokes. Cigarettes. Regular ones you can buy at the store. Jeez, people!
Then, to the candy stand, where, I kid you not, is the Fattest Woman at the Faire. This is not an unkind statement, simply a statement of fact. I'm not sure she ever leaves that booth - at least, not until the Faire is over at the end of September.
We have to cross the Kissing Bridge to get to the bathrooms (they have port-a-potties, but, really? Are you kidding me?). Naturally, no one attempts to kiss Jill or me, but they LOVE Shannon and Gwenn! After the potty break, we walk along the shops again, passing by the dragon store (yeah, not what you think), and getting a pretzel from the grumpiest vendor at the Faire. I'm not kidding.
We finally wind down the last path, and head for the joust. Oh, forgot!!! We always get a pickle from the Pickle Man. Last year, the Queen was purchasing a pickle (well, one of her retinue purchased it for her - the vendor tried to make a gift of it, but she wouldn't hear of it) when we arrived. We made our courtesies, and she spoke with us a bit, asking if we planned to attend the joust, who would be our Champion, and then swept off.
We make our way to the joust (picking up our pictures first), eating our pickles, and learning our cheers. Then, the joust starts! I forget all the characters, but there's the Black Knight, and Robin Hood. The Black Knight, of course, loses - and is a sore loser. Mayhem breaks out, Maid Marian is taken captive, a huge battle ensues!!! But, as always, the good side wins, and the Queen instructs her bishop to marry Robin Hood & Maid Marian (yeah, forget these are different eras, just have a good time!), and all is well in the realm.
Off we go, heading out to our car, along with all the other tired and happy Faire-goers. We usually strip down in the parking lot (minds out of the gutter, please - we don't get naked, though there is a good deal of giggling and holding up dirty dresses to hide behind), and get into our every day clothes. We drive off, happy, tired, and laughing. We usually stop for dinner on our way home - past couple of years its been Cracker Barrel - then head for home.
That's Faire day. This weekend it looks like the weather will be very fine - low humidity, high 70's/low '80's, dry... I can't wait!
No comments:
Post a Comment